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April 30, 2003
maggiewin: what do you think
maggiewin: what do you think about the scenario [note: not soon, general question] of myself or beth living with a boy we are seeing?
maggiewin: i mean, i am reasonably certain that you wouldnt do cartwheels or anything....
maggiewin: but besides that...
nailsmcgee: Hum - you mean potentially - hypothetically - Neal moving in with you?
maggiewin: yeah.
nailsmcgee: when?
maggiewin: but at the soonest after he graduates in december
maggiewin: and he and i havent really TALKED about it, but there have been strong allusions...
nailsmcgee: well - would he help pay the rent?
maggiewin: yeah
nailsmcgee: of course that was the most important part.
maggiewin: finances would be handled as though we were roommates
nailsmcgee: Maggie - we like Neal - he is far and away the best thing you have dated
maggiewin: i know you do
maggiewin: i think you may like him more than me sometimes
nailsmcgee: I am slightly concerned that he is not sure what direction he is going yet - but I feel confident he will find his road and I kind of think that road may be in Cinn.
maggiewin: he isnt sure
nailsmcgee: I know
maggiewin: and he would really like to take some time off before grad school
nailsmcgee: Well - he would easily have 9 monts off since he graduates in Dec.
maggiewin: he hinted at starting grad school after i graduate....which i think would work out well
maggiewin: i know...
maggiewin: but more than that
nailsmcgee: Do you think you would study better if he lived there?
maggiewin: from all of my experiences people who take time off get more out of their schooling than those who go straight through
maggiewin: oh, i dont know...
maggiewin: i have studied with him here before several times
nailsmcgee: I am first and foremost concerned about you doing better in medical school.
maggiewin: i know
maggiewin: that is not what i am asking you about though
nailsmcgee: Yes - but his moving in wouold certainly affect that - especially if he did not have studying to do himself
maggiewin: i really honestly think that i will marry him some day....
maggiewin: that may freak you out, but...yeah
nailsmcgee: Well - that is fine with me - do you think he thinks that too?
maggiewin: and anyway, i dont want to even continue to think about moving in and such if it is somethin that would seriously bother you or dad
maggiewin: yeah, i do
maggiewin: and mom, he worries about my education and studying habits and grades as much as you do....
maggiewin: when he is here and knows i have to study he brings a book and reads, or does stuff online or naps....
maggiewin: when he is here and knows i have to study he brings a book and reads, or does stuff online or naps....
nailsmcgee: I kind of feel Neal is the one for you too - he likes you but he doesn't necessarily take all you throw at him. He stands up for himself, teases you, is respectful - kind of like John. He accepts your faults and still likes you. He knows you are high maintenance but still stays in there.
maggiewin: yeah
nailsmcgee: I don't know if he realizes though what a good catch you are
maggiewin: he kind of reminds me of dad in several ways
nailsmcgee: I agree - quiet and soft spoken
maggiewin: and i think youll be glad to know that as he becomes more comfortable he calls me on being shitty and grumpy more 8)
nailsmcgee: but isn't he afraid of being so serious when you are all he has ever dated????
maggiewin: i dont think so
maggiewin: we havent talked about that directly
maggiewin: i have made comments a few times and he has blown me off
nailsmcgee: I kind of got the impression that he was looking toward moving to Cinn anyway
nailsmcgee: he must take a lot of razing from the guys for dating you since you are one of the guys!
maggiewin: i told him that you said something about he doesnt know what else is out there or something like that and he said he did know....
maggiewin: they do harass him
maggiewin: but, eh...he kind of just says whatever
nailsmcgee: I'll bet they do - unmercifully no doubt!
maggiewin: he did get really mad at tony a few weeks ago
maggiewin: tony aparrently crossed a line--such that brendan and dave talked with him about it cause it 'went against the guy code' or some crap like that
maggiewin: i guess tony went on and on about how im 'loud and bossy'
nailsmcgee: I do think it may be more and more awkward for you to be with the guys as much.
maggiewin: i dont think so
maggiewin: weve done stuff with them several times and they havent been to different to me
maggiewin: little harassment, but, hell, thats to be expected
nailsmcgee: You may want to stay away from them for a while until someone asks Neal where you are or they call and ask you to join them.
maggiewin: i appreciate your concern
maggiewin: and respectfully decline to take your suggestion 8D
maggiewin: he does stuff with them without me.
maggiewin: i have been friends with all of them for longer than i have known him
nailsmcgee: Anyway - back to the question at hand. If he styed out of school the whole time you were in medical school - does he have any idea what he would do?
maggiewin: its fine
maggiewin: get a job....
maggiewin: i dont know
nailsmcgee: Not even a Master's degree? Do you think down the road he is going to ask you to marry him or do you think that may not ever happen and it is not important right now for this discussion?
maggiewin: i would imagine he will.....
maggiewin: probably in a year or twoish
nailsmcgee: Well - I hope that means we (I) have not scared the sh-- out of him.
maggiewin: not at all
nailsmcgee: We are a close family and he, while he may be close to his mother, doesn't come from a strong family background. Hopefully, he would not think we are like the Aman clan and become overbearing.
maggiewin: but we were talkin the other night, and the idea of he doesnt start grad school till after i graduate then does grad school while im doing a residency was tossed out [no specific mention of being together or living together or married or engaged or anything, but some degree of that was implied]
nailsmcgee: BTW - you did get my message that Tricia had the baby right?
maggiewin: and i personally think that would be a good plan
maggiewin: yeah i did.
maggiewin: week and a half early....
maggiewin: how long was she in labor that aaron had tim to get back?
maggiewin: but, back to my original question---what would you think of the possibility of he and i living together?
maggiewin: again, not any time soon....
nailsmcgee: It would be fine with me as long as it waas not indefinitely. I could see it for maybe a year - but then if he doesn't ask you to marry him - I would think he would have to move out and you would have to move on.
maggiewin: alright.
maggiewin: i really dont have any desire to get married before i graduate
maggiewin: unless he gets a job with the university and i can get free tuition, if that, then sign me up 8D
nailsmcgee: If he moved in it would save you some loan money for sure, which would be nice and you could maybe even find a cheaper apartment since he would be liveing there - security may not be an issue.
maggiewin: well, yeah, but even if we lived in this apt, that would be 350/mo rather than 700...big difference!
maggiewin: or we could even look at a 2 br --in this bldg or elsewhere-- and have a computer/study room or something....
maggiewin: i dont know.
nailsmcgee: I don't see how he can wait that long for graduate school - it may really hurt his chances of getting in if he sits out that long.
maggiewin: i am really getting ahead of myself here
maggiewin: is that an educated statement, or a hypothetical?
maggiewin: that is to say--do you have a specific reason for thinking this?
nailsmcgee: educated
nailsmcgee: his background will be weaker if he stays out of school for a while would be my guess. And it only prolongs how long it is before he is doing what he wants to do. I can see staying out a year or so - but three years would be tough - impossible if he was in science - which he is not.
nailsmcgee: what kind of job would he even get?
maggiewin: i have no clue
maggiewin: aparrently uc actually has a great criminal justice program, but hes not sure he wants c. jus.
nailsmcgee: nor does he I am guessing.
maggiewin: and made a point of saying that he is not going to do c jus strictly because it is here and i am here if he doesnt want to
maggiewin: OH....he is graduating with honors and is on the deans list [he found out today and told me]
nailsmcgee: Yeah - he really is lost as to what direction to take. Oh I agree - he should not do it for any reason other then that is what he wants. Why waste his timje otherwise.
nailsmcgee: Fabulous! Smart fellow.
maggiewin: but, realistically, i know long distance will not agree with me, i sometimes feel like dayton is so far away! so that is also relevant when it comes to him and grad school....
maggiewin: but still....
maggiewin: yeah
maggiewin: i dont know
maggiewin: do you need to get going?
nailsmcgee: But I would bet a bundle that he will not be able to stay out of school for three years. He is too smart and will want the challenge!!! How much do you bet?
maggiewin: no i think you are right
nailsmcgee: Hey - how is his new car?
maggiewin: i would imagine that hell start in 2005 at the latest [since 2004 would be the soonest]
maggiewin: its great.
maggiewin: he loves it.
maggiewin: i think i would want a jetta too now!
nailsmcgee: Does UD have a commencement ceremony in Dec?
maggiewin: i dont know if they do
maggiewin: and if they do, im not sure he would want to do it
nailsmcgee: OK - got to run. You have never had a boyfriend before that I owuld say I have no problems with you living together - so Neal is a first.
maggiewin: 8)
maggiewin: alright.
maggiewin: have a good evening. ill ttyl
nailsmcgee: ok - bye
Posted by Maggie at 5:03 PM | Comments (0)
April 23, 2003
sunday best in broken glass
so....i just havent been in the mood to write lately. one thing i wrote a long entry about is private, so no one can see it but me...but thats all ive written in a LONG time....
so....random updates, in no particular order
grandpa's burial is going to be sunday may 4.
i was talking to neal about this last night. it shouldnt be too bad....he is going to be buried in the circle of the pathway to the son [he was rather religous]. he and rose were very excited that they were able to get spots in the circle. so, yeah, cremation--i know he wanted to be creamated. mom wants to be, and i think i would want to be also. but i think that the most disturbing part is goin to be seeing a small metal box and knowing that it contains my grandpa. mind you, as neal said, its only his body. i dont believe that we are our bodies but still....think of someone right now, anyone.....you pictured what they look like, didnt you? thats the way it works. so, while i know this is what he wanted there is a very very small part of me that thinks so, my grandpas body was burned, but in a metal box, and is being buried under a rock....note: i see the ludacris nature of this thought process, but still....its there....and this leads me into.........
rose is giving us money
aparrently rose received a check from the veterans retirement fund [i dont know what it was actually called, but this is what was told to me] for a fairly large amount of money that divides by 10 very well.....she called mom and told mom this and then said ive got 10 grandkids, most of whom are in school or have school loans, im sure they could use it.....i think your dad would have wanted me to do this. this is the antithesis of rose for the previous 22 years. it was her who told grandpa that all the grandkids were going to get $25 for birthdays. and christmas was $15 or something...i dont remember. but, mom always said that if her mom was alive, there would have been much bigger gifts, bigger holidays, all kinds of things....sidenote: i really wish i could have met her.....anyway, i am just surprised rose said she had 10 grandkids--6 are hers, 4 are us....v0v
easter
wasnt as bad as i thought....it was at wendys, the reason for this was cause it was the first holiday after grandpa died....im glad they did that, grandma m died 2 weeks before christmas, although she had not attended a christmas in a few years, it was still very different. i think the next holiday after bill died was easter as well, mom was very worried about how to do the seating around the table....for five or ten years uncle bill had always sat at the head of the table since he was wheelchair bound and if mom sat someone else there, it would be like "ignoring" it....if she didnt, it would make the gap more palpable [she ended up sticking both beth and i there], and at christmas last year, grandpa was in a wheel chair, so he sat at "bills spot" [i dont think people regularly sit there these days].....anyway, the whole change of venue did really make it better. but then grandpa m gave mom a pic of grandpa from christmas. well, the thing about grandpa m is this, when given the choice between no picture, and a very bad, unnecessarily depressing picture, he would choose the latter--he had my uncle mike take pictures of grandma in the coffin--this was not a good pic of grandpa, it was not really even grandpa. we all know grandpa m's intentions were good, but, it ended up upsetting mom. though the thing that i dont get is--every time mom cries, i cry. beth was even crying some...but for some reason i couldnt cry on easter. i dont know why, it was a little odd and caught me off guard.....
neal
upon being told that i was writing a long update said:
you should write about the plight of the iraqi people and the pillaging of their museum and cultural heritage
that is a very neal thing to say. seriously though, things are going well....very well. the only thing that i worry about between us is that i always feel like i want him around. i dont like clingy. i dont like needy. but i feel in better spirits when he is there, and i think about him a lot and this kind of worries/bothers me. i dont want to run the risk of becoming this obnoxious fool whose like my boyfriend this, my boyfriend that and so on....i think that is a big part of the reason that i refer to him as 'neal' rather than 'my boyfriend' most of the time....well, i also think that i do that because i knew him for so long before we started seeing each other, so its different from anything else ive known, but good different. unfortunately he has his fair share of crap going on now, and there is nothing i can do to help with that....
trapezius
mine is my arch nemesis. not just nemesis, but arch nemesis. it is rediculous. my shoulders/neck are usually tight, but this is just going too far. for the last two days moving in any way which causes stretching of the traps leads to imense pain [go C fibers of the anterolateral system!]....it is really almost unbearable....its such that if i turn my head down, with my chin towards my chest, it hurts....makes studying less pleasant than it already is! which brings me to
school
blah to school. since august i have acquired >$35,000 in debt. go me, its my birthday [well, not now, but in just about two weeks, which, by the way, weirds me out--beth had an away message up the other day that said "months pass faster than days", ive never heard that sentiment expressed like that but it is so true, and i really really liked it]. anyway, the stuff is interesting, i just hate learning in this format. i am not a book learner. i dont like it. im not as good at it. i know that as soon as i get past USMLE step 1 it will go better. there will still be crap, but i will see patients, i will get to do more of what i want to do, i will actually be doing what i am paying >$150,000 to do! that is the way in which i learn best, and i know that itll be good for me...i just need to get through this goddamned year [and next year--though everyone says next year is harder not a soul does not say that its better, in terms of the material and interestingness and what not]
i love my couch!!
thats it...no elaboration on that. i just love it!!
bruises
i always have lots of them, most of which i do not know their origin--HOWEVER, of late the not knowing the origin has been happening more and more, this is particularly weird when you get a bruise on the inside of your upper arm--the part that would normally touch your body if your arms were down, i have also had unidentifiable bruises before on my leg, basically in my crotch [right below the crotch/leg interface] and on my right boob....those are just places that you would think you would notice something that was enough force to produce a bruise!!!
peds
i got paired with someone in peds to do my, oh, i dont know what the fuck it is officially called, but its shadowing, i was like 'greaaaaaaaaaat, peds', sarah said that the joy of kids was kind of wasted on me [shes right, im not a kids person...] yeah, i was so excited after the first time, neal said that it was the first time he had ever heard me talk about anything relating to school in an excited way....then the 2nd time was better. there was this adORable little1 year old girl who was one of the 10 cutest babies ever EVER and i wanted to touch her [not like that sicko!] and i got the chance to poke her tummy, so that was neat....then [blah blah blah all you need to know of this is 4 month old twin boys]....one was fussy, the doc goes to hold him, i offer, she says yes, after i started holding him he stopped crying! he was not a cute baby AT ALL, but he sure seemed adorable as hell as soon as i started holding him! it was so cute. he fell asleep on my shoulder, sucking his entire hand and drooling all over my white coat. but it was fine, cause it was cute. the doc told me i had the magic touch. BABIES!! 8) then, of course, recounting this to kristi in the presence of the guys was pseudodisasterous--tony insisted on making faces and saying things to neal....i just tried to ignore him
Posted by Maggie at 9:55 AM | Comments (0)
April 16, 2003
email instant replay
maggie
I saw 4 mo old twin boys today
I held one
You would have called him 'painful cute'
He fell asleep and drooled on my coat while sucking his hand
IT WAS ADORABLE
sarah
Whichever of us gets around to making babies first has to share with whoever does so last. Didn't your ovaries just leap in your pelvis at the thoughts of getting to contribute to half of one of those marvelous creatures?
I may be going through a phase here, but after being at Children's a lot, I think that African American babies may be significantly cuter than babies of other nationalities. I may need to have one. The logistics are tricky, of course, but who knows what science will be capable of in five or ten years...
Posted by Maggie at 10:42 PM | Comments (0)
April 13, 2003
went to louisville last night
went to louisville last night for thunder and shelleys pseudo-party.
neal went.
hadnt seen shelley in nearly a year! her hair was uber cute.
was great. they said that they liked each other--something very good!
at one point we were talking about the night i flashed the cops and sucked on the penny, and then that lead into the night todd was kicked out of bears, and i said something about how the whole story didnt need to be told [the part about adam] neal got weird. i told him the gist of what had happened, he agreed that the setting we were in was not the ideal way for him to have found something like that out. also todd came up, and there was reference to the incident...neal also didnt know about that. he thought i was keeping things from him. when i told him that he *did* know about todd, but just didnt know that the name was todd he was relieved. it was rather werid. he was like 'imagine if you heard about me goin down on some girl...' and it just sounded so odd!
we ended up leaving at like 11 or 1130 cause neal and i were both tired. [i proctored]
he was acting weird, he seemed discontented. insists that he wanted to go and that he is glad that he did but still....
i fall asleep
pull over at a gas station to pee...neal tells me i was snorning.
back in the car. fall asleep.
all the sudden i wake up to neal stopping the car on the side of the road. i groggily look up at him and say 'whats going on' [thinking that we were pulled over or something, cause it looked like an entrance ramp]...he looks at me and says '.........i love you..........' and then goes into something about how its somethin he has felt for a long time and has wanted to say but didnt know how, he wanted to think of a fun romantic way but he 'couldnt take it any more'. he then went on to say that saying that is not something he does often--even to his mom! but yeah....it was very chasing amy. i leaned in and kissed him and said 'i love you too' and i wasnt sure if he heard me to be truthful. and he said somethin about how he was really worried about saying that, he thought there was at least a 25% chance i would freak out and he would end up chasing me down the street....aparrently while driving he had prepared something to say if i was like 'no you dont' or whatever, telling me that timing is bullshit [because of my things i have said about amy and scott]....so i gave him a hug. and he was like 'i cant do this' and unbuckles his seat belt, gets out, comes to my side, opens the door, and virtually lays on me hugging me.
since i just woke up at the time, i know that i forgot things i would want to remember.....
eventually we got back in the car. and he was shaking some....i asked if he was cold, if he wanted his coat, he said that when he was in very emotionally charged situations he shakes, he just doesnt know why.
he wanted to tell me when we were at shelleys--when we were out on her porch and i was talking to him about the adam/todd thing(s) but didnt think it would be right. he was giving me this look, and i thought he was mad...and he said he would tell me later, but that it wasnt bad. in the car he told me that he was wanting to say 'i love you' at that time.
we talked the rest of the way home in the car...i explained that with the amy/scott thing, i realized recently that the issue was not that they had only been together for six weeks, but that they had only met six weeks before....
he honestly had no idea how i would respond. he said this morning that he thought i was feeling the same things but wasnt sure that i would admit it....
i wish i could remember more of what happened now...but, hopefully these things will come back to me, cause, it was awesome.
it was so chasing amy--i made a comment to the effect and he sad that it wasnt raining, and i wasnt a lesbian. it was excellent. it was cute.
i love him. i really do. and im glad that he was able to know that and/or be willing to take that risk, cause, i dont have balls like that...
it was kind of weird, on friday night after i went up there for dinner, he was saying he wished i could have stayed or he wanted to come down...etc...like, he had never been like that before...
i dont know. it was seriously glorious.
i explained to him that a lot of these emotional things are harder for me than they used to be...and that i dont know if that has to do with what happened with matt, or if it is a function of the fact that it is realer now...that i am not just looking for someone to giggle with like i was at fourteen or eighteen, that im not looking to get married, but that i dont see the point in being with someone who i wouldnt want to be with looooooong term....
so...yeah...v0v
Posted by Maggie at 5:24 PM | Comments (0)
April 11, 2003
n'stuff
i need to update, but i dont know whta to say.
the war thing is getting old
wednesday night was hard, neal was down here, we talked about a lot of things....
ive been going to bed early [1130-12] for almost a week, im worried that this is depressionular....
i finally started riding the dumb bike again...
mouse + milk = no functioning right button and marginal left button
easter is approaching--im not stoked, the first holiday after a relative has passed is never fun.
steve reported yesterday that he does not, in fact, have sars--though he thought he may have for a few days last week
dr atkins [of atkins diet fame] got an owie. sounds serious--the phrases "relieve the pressure" and "head injury" to do not go well together...i can draw you a diagram now, im learnin things! the atkins diet is not good. the only person i have ever heard of being on it that did not lead to me cringing was a diabetic...and to me that is quite logical
theres not a fun new game on yahoo that i like!
so there is this chick who used to model for vs and now for spiegel--she is on a spiegel banner on cnn.com--she creeps me out. she has a hairline that is like a quarter of an inch above her eyebrows, and her lips look like melanie griffith's circa the bad collagen injection(s). of course, i do hate laetitia casta more--additionally, she has the worst website ever made. hello people she is probably giving a lot of money to, get on that shit!
Posted by Maggie at 8:35 AM | Comments (0)
April 4, 2003
sarah = slacker
definotion:The loosely formed conceptualization of a word's meaning.
Example:My mind could only tentatively come up with a vague definotion of the word antidisestablishmentarianism.
denos:the male phenomenon of having chest hairs poking out of the neck of your shirt.
Example:That guy would have been cute, if he didn't have such a denos. (or if he wasn't doing the denos)
derstand:To not comprehend, to be confused--opposite of understand.
Example:Sorry, I derstand you. Please repeat the question.
destinesia:reaching a destination and forgetting why you went there
Example:he/she suffers from destinesia
dibbley-doofus:Non-specific technological artifact. Used by engineers to indicate components that they cannot remember the names of. Usually acompanied by vigorous hand waving and violent gesticulation.
Example:While Chris was holding the spring clip he gestured to the bench and asked Mike to pass the dibley-doofus. Unfortunately, Mike passed him a thingy instead.
digital ganglia:The mess of wires, cables, and cords that hang from the back of your average computer workstation.
Example:My attempt at locating the other end of the USB cable amongst the digital ganglia behind my computer ultimately proved futile.
discom-bebop-ulation:The need to turn down the car radio when you are lost
Example:We are not lost - turn down the radio so I can find our way
disorientatedness:Being disoriented.
Example:This whole disorientatedness is so confusing.
dolphin clicking: When two people of similar interests can talk in a language that is not common.
Example:I'm really glad you two met; you seem to be dolphin clicking.
double yolked arsehole:To do a double-yolked arsehole is to slip and fall in a spectacular manner.
Example:I did a double-yolked arsehole off the steps last night and broke my arm AND spilled my drink.
de-nudulating:putting clothes on.
Example:(On the phone)...could you hold the line? I'm just de-nudulating myself...
Posted by Maggie at 4:20 PM | Comments (0)