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October 28, 2002
pancreas
thursday amy and i went and say heywood banks at jokers. it was great. i remember in 7th and 8th grade listening to amy's h.b. cds and DYING, he does crazy songs....one about toast, about the pancreas, fishing worms, wiper blades, all kinds of great stuff. i cant recommend him highly enough. anyway, somehow i just never thought that he also did "regular" stand up. which he does. i am now going to share with you some jewels from that
you never know, a large checker could get caught in your mouth at any time
--re: cracker barrel's, part of the humor was that it reminded me of lewis blacks 'you never know, that could be made of zebra cum, you dont know'
an eye for an eye, except after c
what you get when you cross a fundamentalist (or as eric would day "fundy") preacher with an english teacher
dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, water
re: us geography, from east to west
--now, steve points out that it should be water, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, water, but, whatever
maybe youre nog goin bald buddy, maybe you've got positive and negative hair
re: baldness....i love scienceular humor
for the first time in history two countries are joining that are not near each other....the country of ghana is going to join with korea.....you know what theyre gonna call it?
[pause] south ghana
amish communities.....where people who cant use zippers make microwaves
so, little set up, he has a song called interstate 80 iowa which goes something like
mississippi river....corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn iowa city corn corn corn corn corn whats that smell?corn corn corn corn corn des moines corn corn corn corn corn theres that smell again corn corn corn corn corn missouri river he then did ohio versions.....
interstate 75 ohio
road construction road construction road construction road construction road construction road construction road construction road construction findley road construction road construction road construction road construction road construction road construction road construction road construction findley road construction road construction road construction road construction road construction road construction road construction road construction findley road construction road construction road construction road construction road construction road construction road construction road construction findley road construction road construction road construction road construction road construction road construction road construction road construction findley
the he looked at a lady in the front row and says see, its always findley cause youre not MOVING
interstate some number ohio
cop cop cop cop cop state trooper cop cop cop cop cop cop cop cop cop cop toledo cop cop cop cop cop cop cop cop cop cop whys that river on fire? cleveland
said he got his glasses from a store called like, eye care
there was no alcohol in my family! no marijuana! no cigarettes.....unless you cleaned your plate
i think that if youre 45 and your name is still desire, you should change it back to maude nickelwater, or whatever it was
re: guests on springer
he did a bit on a cult, and made people chant things, one card said:
her
se
eat
and another said
lat
rin
rep
he got people doing this, then held the cards next to each other, they say
lather
rinse
repeat
i got 7 pairs of pants today
Posted by Maggie at October 28, 2002 12:53 AM