« ld | Main | whats wrong with me? »
October 30, 2002
i dont know whether or
i dont know whether or not ive written about this before, so, if i have, ignore the whining.....
everyone has that friend(s) that never date, never hook up, so on and so forth....and it is somehow a fucked up kind of a consolation to you cause you feel like less of a huge loser.
people who i have used in the consolation capacity
brian: on his 2nd girlfriend since i started thinking 'well, at least i know brian isnt with anyone...im not a total loser'
steve: who is arranging a hook up with some girl named brandi.......
katie: who hadnt been on a date in the 3 years ive known her, hadnt kissed a boy, NOTHING......in the last week has had encounters with 2 different boys
now, dont get me wrong, i am very happy for all of my friends, cause, it does make me happy when good things/fun things happen to those that i know....however, im still too selfish to not be thinking 'im going to die alone and be eaten by rabid dogs' every time i hear about one more person getting involved with someone else to some extent.....my little sister has been seeing this boy for longer than i ever dated anyone.....i know, i know "you always find someone when youre not looking" blah blah blah. and its not that i feel as though i have the time or energy to date someone now. i dont think i would want to start dating anyone. i would be so goddamned nervous i would not know what to do. i imagine that my heart rate would be over 200 by the time i got out of my apartment if i WERE to go on a date. but that doesnt mean that im not lonely. i just want someone to cuddle up with and watch a movie. and that is all that i really want right now.
i need to find a gay man.....
i dont know, i just go back and forth between 'im a good catch, im educated, im not hideous, if i try hard i can dress myself decently, ill make money one day, i laugh at things, i say things that i think are funny, ive had strange and interesting experiences, i can talk about damn near anything.....' and 'people who i didnt think would find counterparts can....at least they can find temporary companions, i dont know that i can bring much to the table, i dont know how to relate to people, im not funny, im fat, im really not pretty, i have male hormones and scared breasts, im well on my way to 200K of debt and wont REALLY be making any money for about 10 years and i am just a nervous wreck about everything and worry too much
grandpa and rose looked at retirement communities and found one they really like, they are putting down some money [some = 130K!!] and hope to get in within like two months. aparrently the place has a wood carving room! divine intervention? CLEARLY
Posted by Maggie at October 30, 2002 7:03 PM