The Dave Lists Archive
Things Dave Has That Neal Does Not
Viper
Erectile Disfunction
Tina's Clap
Constant gas
History of pleasing men analys
A 3rd nipple (lactatiing)
Questions about his sexual orientation
Feminine Charm (and itch)
A Male riding ass
vagina
A huge gay ego
pink underwear
Things Dave Sticks His Member In
Cesar
Viper tailpipe
Cesar tailpipe
electrical sockets
inards
What member?
Gay men who drive Porches
Anything easy
Velveta
Tina's cock (docking)
hair pie
haircut
Mike
What Does Dave Want for X-mas?
Hos, Hos, Hos
A foreskin
Mag wheels
Rim job from a Pirnia (any)
Member he doesn't have to lie about
Tina's cock
Different set of STDs
Mike's children
6 inches of Neal nudging his prostate
Kentucky fried Cesar cock
Latex vibrating anus molded realistically off of Cesar's mouth
World peace, a billion dollars, and a Pirnia dildo
Neal's mom
Sensible 400hp sports car
Cock in mouth to be a wee bit smaller
-or-bigger mouth
To be more like cesar-cesar shirts, cesar computer.
Dave's New Years Resolutions
Be 800x600
Be less gay
More butt sex with boys!
Buy a VW Beetle (or a Microbus—good for wardriving)
Upgrade from just bi-curious
Sell car and get actual penis enlargement (plus penis)
Stop having bi-polar disorder
b3COM@TEE7 HAX0R
No does not mean yes even when it is Cesar
Stop player hating
Stop pissing in sink (or at least put away tooth brush)
Finally call Jenny (867-5309)
Shift botox treatment north of neck
Fistful of cock
Things That Come Out of Dave’s Ass
Words
Smaller baby asses
DOA 3 victories
Things Cesar left there
Libertarian lies
Mike’s spunk
3rd generation Sprint PCS porn
Anonymous cock
Famous cock
Da torche
Things That Keep Dave Warm
Tongue bath from Mike
Cock
Brendan
Gremlins
Warm fire
Taun Taun carcass
Pool of own vomit
micro-vagina
Dave's Mysterious Extra Organs
udders
polyorchid
penis
3rd and 4th lactating nipples
boobies
multiple rectums
mangina
dinosaur arms
pouch
gay man's anus affixed to cock
arse
Items at Dave's Chinese Restaurant
Dave's wonton
Jew Jew platter
General Tsou's Children
Szechuan style cock
Mou Goo gay men
Scab Rangoon
Tina's cock
Poo Poo platter
Cream of sum-yung Cesar
The Quotes
Dave Quotes
“Stop butt attacking my partner”
“Come on Cesar, put some ass into it”
“I could make champagne out of amaretto (the non-carbonated kind)”
“Brendan, I will leap on your fucking ass”
“Where are my mongrel races at?”
“Brendan, I fucking own your ass”
“Brendan I am going to fragment your ass”
“I never seen us try to grab each other for so long” (to Neal)
“Dan, did you like me trying to jump on your crotch?”
“Neal, what the fuck was that shit? For that, you get a crotch grab!”
“Whenever you call Neal’s name, you are up to no good.” (To Tina)
"*shruggles*"
"*fart*"
"I bet Indian sperm tastes spicy, but you will have to tell me Neal."
"Brendan, I am going to give you the gift of an erection, come here."
"We must do a group body slam on Brendan."
"I have an obesession with jumping on him." (him = Brendan)
"No Neal, you are gay. Brendan, I am going to slap you on the ass."
"My girlfriend Cesa--no--Tin--no Ces---Tina..."
Neal Quotes
"Actually, I like the horse cock."
"I don't want to rough up the farm."
"I can just whip it out when I want."
"Wanna see my parasite Brendan?"
Shank Quotes
"If you don't give me keys, I am taking off your pants."
Tony Quotes
"It is right there, I was showing it to my dad, come here you little bastard."
"What died you?"
"Brendan, Jack me off!"
"This doesn't even make proper grammar."
"At what age can kids get a boner?"
Brendan Quotes
Dave: "You should take Emily flowers for Valentine's Day and then do her."
Brendan: "I will just skip the flowers."
"This turkey is really lean." (Then Brendan drools on the stove)
"If J.R. and Mike had a child, it would be Tony."
"Dave's falling in love with Shank."
Dan Quotes
"I will do just about anything."
Tina Quotes
"I'm looking for a torpedo!"
"I'm a chicom."
Maggie Quotes
"Ho Bear is really turned on right now--he has a little plush
erection...."